Everyone has plans:

Dick “dick” Cheney’s plans include Iraq, Iran, and Kazakhstan as loyal fiefdoms, subservient to American energy companies, with borders permanently closed to Russian and Chinese suitors.

George Bu$h envisions Iraq as a happy country in economic bondage to the largest American-owned transnational companies – a free market paradise where only the poor are taxed and where every village and city has at least one heroic statue of him, and at least one large plaza named in his honor. The American Enterprise Institute and Heritage Foundation agree this would be best for Iraq, but believe each city should have at least one Young Republican club as well.

John McCain (R- AZ) wants another 20,000 troops, certain this will bring the elusive victory that George Bu$h was just too effete and ineffective to bring to America. Senator McCain of course, is preparing for 2008, because he thinks he really, really, really has a chance to win the big yellow kazoo and, clever strategist that he is, believes The Great Iraq Victory Parade of 2007 2008 2009 date uncertain should have him as the Grand Marshal.

Senator Joe Lieberman (R- Tel Aviv) agrees that just 20,000 more troops tossed into the meatgrinder will bring the inevitable victory needed to secure Israel’s borders – just as soon as Iran and Syria are defanged. His Likudnik supporters, William Kristol, Robert Kagan, Ken Adelman, Elliott Abrams, and Michael Ledeen just want Iran and Syria reduced to the state of chaos presently gripping Iraq because that serves Israel’s interests.

GEN John Abizaid, testifying several weeks ago before the Senate Armed Services Committee specifically said he didn‘t want another 20,000 troops. GEN Abizaid is loyal to Mr Bu$h and back then it wasn’t considered necessary to pander to Senator McCain’s presidential ambitions. He will give Mr Bu$h whatever advice Mr Bu$h decides he wants.

GEN John Casey isn’t sure just what he sees as Iraq’s future, because Mr Bu$h keeps changing his mind.

MG Jack Catton, USAF, sees Iraq as a happy, pacified country with about 46 USAF air bases, and an evangelical church on every corner.

Muqtada al-Sadr envisions Iraq as an Islamic Republic, one with no Americans and very few Sunnis in it.

Now, however, faced with an unexpected level of dissatisfaction from Americans who seem to think enough is enough, Mr Bu$h is casting about frantically for some magic talisman he can rub to bring him the appearance of success in Iraq. He seems to have decided that he’d rather cozy up with Iranian-approved Abed Aziz al-Hakim than with Iranian-approved Muqtada al-Sadr, while developing a political and military strategy to crush the Sunni insurgency and replace Prime Minster Nuri al-Maliki. Then, once Iraq is completely pacified and they’ve finally begun erecting the statues to him, and started naming plazas after him, he can take on evil Iran.

The idea of actually following Senator McCain’s suggestion of throwing another 20,000 troops into the failed attempt to secure Baghdad’s security grows more attractive with each passing day because the expected failure of this move would then be described as Cain’s failure rather than Mr Bu$h’s.

As always with Amalgamated Republican Enterprises, LLC, no one has asked the common folk of Iraq or the US what they would like.