On Maj. Johns first night with us he told me of how his grandfather had died in World War II shortly after his father had been born and how his father had served for 20 years in the Army, that he himself had felt a pressure to serve at some point in his life because of his father and grandfather, that his father had impressed this upon him. After med school he at last joined the Air Force as a medical officer, figuring it would be the safest bet both for civility and comfort, and for physical safety. His plan backfired when the Army, pushed to its limits for personnel, had begun to strike deals with the Navy and Air Force for support roles in combat zones. He initially was assured a position in Balad, which he soon lost to a colonel, and then a position in Baghdad which he also lost to a colonel. Finally, he was assigned to us, the combat stress team traveling almost weekly throughout our AO and living in a tent in the Sunni Triangle (aka: "The Triangle of Death"). In light of all of this, he confessed that he felt that all things had finally fallen into place to seal his fate and that he would surely die out here. So, he was trying to accept his death, he told me, so he could do his job.

CPT Jeff Leonard is with the California National Guard, and is serving In Iraq as a combat stress counselor. His periodic columns discuss his work – getting soldiers past the death of their friends.