The “long war” of GEN John Abizaid is over. The NY Times reports this morning that CENTCOM and MNF-I plans to replace that phrase with something… catchier.

WASHINGTON, April 23 — When the Bush administration has sought to explain its strategy for fighting terrorism, it has often said the United States is involved in a “long war” against Islamic extremists.

The phrase was coined by Gen. John P. Abizaid before he retired as head of the Central Command. It was intended to signal to the American public that the country was involved in a lengthy struggle that went well beyond the war in Iraq and was political as well as military.

It would be a test of wills against “Islamofascism,” as President Bush once put it. It would also be a historic challenge that spanned generations much like the battles against Communism.

As it turned out, however, the long war turned out to be surprisingly short-lived, at least at the command that pioneered the term. After taking over last month as the head of Central Command, Adm. William J. Fallon quietly retired the phrase.

It is believed that Mr Bu$h’s beloved phrase “Islamofascism” will remain in use, although incorrect by virtue of the fact that Muslims are not fascists. A study panel of political, linguistic, and cultural experts have determined that Mr Bu$h’s use of this term is a certified case of Winger Projection Syndrome, and that, as wrong as everything else the man says and does, it is expected that it will remain in the Republican Party’s list of political invective, along with the stupidity of referring to the Democrats as “Democrat Party” and “some people say.”

Military officials said that cultural advisers at the command had become concerned that the concept of a long war alienated Middle East audiences by suggesting that the United States would keep a large number of forces in the region indefinitely.

Admiral Fallon was also said to have been unenthusiastic about the phrase. He has stressed the importance of focusing on the difficult situation in Iraq and in achieving results as soon as possible. The notion of a long war, in contrast, seemed to connote an extended conflict in which Iraq was but a chapter.

The change “is a product of our ongoing effort to use language that describes the conflict for our Western audience while understanding the cultural implications of how that language is construed in the Middle East,” Lt. Col. Matthew McLaughlin, a spokesman for the command, said in an e-mail message. “The idea that we are going to be involved in a ‘Long War,’ at the current level of operations, is not likely and unhelpful.”

In an effort to assist out Republican brethren and sistren we would like to suggest an alternative phrase that is accurate, catchy, and recognizes the reality of their position. Mindful of the fact that “The Forever War” is already taken, we’ve come up with a working title.

“The war to maintain a permanent Fascist Republican majority and to steal all the world’s oil reserves.”

It’s a bit long, and we will work on honing it down.