The ÜberBlonde explains why anti-choice morality demands an end to masturbation.

It’s funny, isn’t it, how people always want to err on the side of caution when it doesn’t affect them directly in the slightest little bit?

I especially liked his handy response to the “who are you to impose your values on others?” comeback: You’re all slaveowners! So that’s that…

Say, for instance, that you believe a blastocyte has full agency on par with any human being. Well, then! Why shouldn’t your opinion be taken as the force of law? (It is perhaps not a coincidence that the person who wants to EOTSOC in this instance is someone who blogs at Townhall.com, a gang of wingnuts that takes a pass on moral consistency when it comes to things like “just war” theory. But I digress.)

I like this argument, a lot. Because I happen to think that male sperm may, despite scientific research to the contrary, hold the very life essence itself. After all, a female egg is nothing without it (make an omelet, break a few eggs, etc.). Sperm is the very battery in the Energizer bunny, as it were. And in light of that vitality, I suggest the following - you know, just on the side of caution.

First of all, we need to make male masturbation illegal. All that life essence, tossed away on a Kleenex or thrown into the wash on an old sock? Where is the reverence?

Interesting theory. Susie explains it all quite logically. I know this will be a great shock to the system, because I suspect quite a few most of our never-right wingers have mad, passionate love affairs with their socks, if you get meaning, and I bet you do.

So that’s out, because that’s obstructing G_d’s intention. Sad news for the companies that make facial tissues and bleach, but there you go. The magic of the market place.

By the way, Susie also points out that nocturnal emissions are against G_d’s plan, too. (Photo at Susie’s.)

Waugh!! Anti-choice meets S&M.

But the women will have to do their part, too. No more of that inhumane practice known euphemistically as “fellatio.” Let’s call it what it is: Cannibalism.

Gentlemen, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s best to err on the side of caution. Time to stop the killing.

They’re Republicans. You never miss what you don’t know.