Fresh from an invigorating ego-stroking in Albania, Mr Bu$h has announced that the immigration bill, shot down last week amid bipartisan Senatorial strife, will rise again to become the crown jewel of his malAdministration and the defining moment of his occupation of our Oval Office.

SOFIA, Bulgaria - President Bush, turning from adulation in the Balkans to difficulties back home, said Monday that his stalled immigration overhaul would be revived and his embattled attorney general would not fall under a Senate vote of no-confidence.

"I'll see you at the bill signing," Bush said confidently about an immigration bill that has run into deep trouble on Capitol Hill.

Bush, who left for Washington later Monday, plans to trek to Capitol Hill on Tuesday to have lunch with Republican senators, part of a hands-on approach to persuading party conservatives that the bill is better than the status quo.

He also dismissed a planned Senate vote against Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as a purely political "meaningless resolution," saying it would have "no bearing" on Gonzales' fate.

"I'll make the determination if I think he's effective or not," Bush said.

Returning from the failed G8 summit in northern Germany, the Commander Guy’s Decider swelled with pride and importance as he visited Albania where adoring crowds welcomed him.

It was a unique day in the recent history of the Bush presidency: The U.S. leader, whose stops in Italy and Germany earlier on this trip prompted massive demonstrations against him and the Iraq war, could not suppress a satisfied smile as Albanian Prime Minister Sali Berisha called him "the greatest and most distinguished guest we have ever had in all times."

Adoring Albanians named a street after Mr Bu$h. Interestingly, it is one of the very few one-way streets in the country.

There is no truth to the rumor that Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi issued a joint statement congratulating Mr Bu$h on the success of his Albanian Spring, suggesting “the mutt ought to stay there, since it’s the only country in the world that doesn’t despise him.”

Upon being asked about the rumored joint statement, a White House official bristled, “This is an infamous statement, a stab in the back of the most popular President of the 21st century. Senator Reid will regret this slap in the face once the Commander-in-Chief returns and discusses certain cell phone calls of Reid’s that we know about.” The official asked to be quoted anonymously since he is not authorized to divulge details of the real electronic wiretapping the White House authorized on January 22nd, 2001.

Knowledgeable observers agreed that the pending Senate vote of “no confidence” in Inquisitor General Gonzalez is a “meaningless political gimmick,” noting that this is all the Democrats are permitted to do.

The knowledgeable observers, who did not want to be identified by name since they also have cell phones, suggested the famous Bu$h personality will quickly bring the straying republican Senators back into line. “They’re afraid of him, too.”

The no-confidence vote follows months of investigations and the disclosure of internal Justice Department documents that contradicted Gonzales' initial assertions [ed: lies] that the firing of federal prosecutors was not politically motivated or directly coordinated with the White House.